There's an app for that.

Hey ma, look! Quick & easy blogging from my (decrepit) iPhone! This should prove to be a dangerous ability.



AND I can add pictures!? Uh oh.

 

Update: And now you all know what my work corner looks like.

As if I need more proof of my ADD.

Or maybe it's early onset alzheimer's. You be the judge. I know I wasn't drunk. I've been drunk this early in the morning before, and it didn't feel like that.

This morning after showering, I had started my regimen. Don't laugh. I'm a gay man with rosacea - I need a regimen. Shit, shower, shave (I shave in the shower - anyone else? I don't, however, shit in the shower - that's just gross.), dry off, hair gel, cortisone cream for my face, deodorant, moisturize, cologne. That's the gist of it. Of course, I could write a whole separate blog about my shower routine.

Anyway, I was getting ready, and I was lost in thought. I was dreaming about winning the lottery, thinking about finishing cleaning/organizing for our big party this weekend, looking out the window at the cute jogger, etc...  I had just put a big dab of hair gel on my fingertips.... and proceeded to rub it all over my face. Sigh...

ADD? Absent mindedness? Alzheimer's? I don't know, but either way, my life is a string of these events. I'm sure by the time I'm in the home, I'll have a brain like a sieve. On the plus side, I'll make new friends every day.

Weekend plans: Our big Summer party blowout! over 100 ppl, booze, food, and fireworks! And nighttime bear skinny dipping. It promises to be epic.

 

Update: Today I put hair gel in my hair. I consider this progress.

No one else wants a slice of Lemon Cake?

(Followed by, in the highest imaginable sing song soprano voice)  Randy: It's going to be delicious!



The cake is, ironically, the leftovers. The best part of being married to a chef is, obviously, the food. ITake breakfast. I can get up 45 minutes before he does, get coffee going, start frying bacon, get everything laid out, and he will come down, revise the menu, and, I kid you not, 5 minutes later an amazing brunch is ready. He is that good.

But back to the cake. Punk will go through phases. Cakes happen to be something that he's into making recently. But he doesn't make a box cake. It's a 4 layer extravaganza with an italian buttercream frosting, complete with piped roses & decorations. FOR THE TWO OF US.

So dessert was leftovers. For dinner (Punk & I, Randy & Jason, Joe, & Rena), he made Grilled BBQ Chicken, Corn on the Cob, Pasta Salad, Caprese Salad, and House Made French Fries (splashed w/ Fluer de Sel). I'm generally smart enough to stay out of the kitchen when he cooks. My place is, obviously, the bar.

Tonight, at the bar, we had 2 specialty drinks available. Black Currant Cosmos (my choice), or Fresh Strawberry & Pineapple Frozen Daiquiris, Almost everyone else chose that. More cosmos for me.......

Friday, 4:30. I refuse to work anymore.

Friday afternoons at work, especially in the summer, suck.  It's really that simple. I've decided to boycott the last 30 minutes of my work day & instead post here.

Most fridays Lauren, god bless her, will go out & pick up nachos & dips of some sort. Maybe she's taking it from our clients - I don't know, and I won't ask her. I'm afraid the supply of snackiness (which also includes munchkins) will dry up & everyone will blame me for rocking the boat. Today it was doritos, salsa & some nacho cheese crap, which prompted this exchange:

Me: The dregs of nacho cheese dip in a bowl looks like something a cat threw up.

Colin (grabbing a chip & scooping): And yet I continue to eat it.

Some Fridays, if we're lucky (and the big bosses aren't around) She'll bring in a 6 pack or two of beer, and a bottle of wine. Today is not one of those days. I can live with that, but I still refuse to work anymore. My client's a douche, so I don't really feel compelled to bust my ass for him. Take that, client!

Bring on the weekend! 

Abandon sobriety, all ye who enter here...

This is my umpteenth attempt at starting a blog. Why give it another try? Why not. I've come across some exceptionally funny ones recently (thanks, Joe from The Gay Gasp and Jenny from The Blogess for the inspiration!) that made me want to start poking around at the keyboard, like a dog in heat looking for somplace to stick his red rocket. In other words, I'll occasionally hit the sweet spot, but only after I spray all over a bunch of non essential items.

There's a lot I don't know yet about what this blog will turn into, but I do know this: My grammar & punctuation will fail. I will (often) blog drunk. I will blog in bed, half asleep (much as I am now). I will be rude, crude & socially unacceptable. I will be NSFW. I will try to be funny. I will actually be funny sometimes. I will over share, over think, and over write. I will talk about my life with no (well, few - I do want to keep my job) holds barred. I will, in all likelihood, occasionally piss off some of my friends and family (They will forgive me. I'm a very forgiveable person.)

About JBJ

So what’s The Juice Box Journals all about? To tell you the truth, I’m not sure yet. I know that I have an awesome, sometimes borderline insane group of friends. We wind up in some pretty fucked up situations, and booze is usually involved. In particular, we have a love of wine – we’ll start off with a bottle of something halfway decent, but then descend into a “juice box”…. aka boxed wine.

…. and then the fucked up things will happen. Yeah, it’s usually our own fault, but sometimes it’s just the universe screwing with us. We’ve had complete strangers give us their birthday cake, accidentally become part of a parade, had one friend shart himself in public…  and that’s some of the tame stuff. Oh, and we’ve laughed. We’ve laughed so hard we’ve had tears rolling down our face. Laughed until we couldn’t breathe. So from here on out I’m going to endeavor to share some of these moments and more.

There won’t be anything profound, usually. Just stories of my fucked up friends, doing fucked up things, and laughing the whole time.

The Cast of Characters

These are the people I share my life with. Names have not been changed, since we're all guilty anyway...

The Immediate Family

Me, appearing thoughtful.

GATES: This is my blog. I’m a gay, middle aged, overweight, happily partnered computer artist/geek/writer. I’m occasionally clever, often sarcastic, directionally dyslexic, creative, shy, intelligent, and I walk like a duck. That last trait will come in handy in case you ever need to track me through a blizzard. I love (in no particular order) Wine, Bacon, World of Warcraft, my hubby Punk, Punk’s Cooking, Entertaining, Vodka, Tequila, Grilled Chicken Salad, Italy, Hawaii, Bears & Cubs, Reading, Movies, Reality TV, WINE (again) and more… Jesus – from the looks of that list, all I do is eat & drink.

Mr. Man.

PUNK: This hottie is my long suffering husband of 15 years. He’s a great chef, and a total alpha male. He's Italian, and a Taurus - it's an amazingly stubborn combo. I bust his chops, saying he "lives at a constant simmer"... he's quick to anger, but equally quick to forgive. He brought me out of my shell, and his love of entertaining friends & family is mirrored by my own. He’s my biggest supporter, but also keeps me grounded. I may be biased, but I think we make a great pair.

The Nub.

SOPHIE:  This is our 4 1/2 year old boxer. She’s sweet, shy, and occasionally crazy. Luckily she’s not as crazy as when she was a puppy – My emergency brake, and portions of Punk's wallet still have the bite marks to prove she went through teething. She goes by the nicknames The Nub & Sofa Bean. Most often found shivering underfoot during thunderstorms.

Friends & Family:

Viv & Rob

Stan & Steve

Randy & Jason

Stamford

Joe C.

The Work Crew:
Disclaimer: I love the people I work with...  not necessarily the people I work for. 

Lauren: I'll keep it simple... God bless Lauren. She keeps us animators, designers & editors sane. This often involves bringing in snacks, alcohol & helping us bitch. She also does her level best to keep us somewhat organized & on schedule. How the hell she does it, I have no idea.

Demian: The other animator. Here's the thing about Demian (and all of us at work, really) - he's creative, sarcastic, & really talented. Unfortunately those higher up like to beat us down. On a personal note, he sure does like Tobasco Sauce.

Todd: An amazing illustrator & designer. He's also a fellow comic book fan - even if we've both stopped reading on a regular basis.

Collin: Web coder/guru extraordinaire. I'm not sure how he does it, but he keeps a schedule unlike anyone I've ever met. He'll regularly show up at 1 in the afternoon, and act surprised that we're all surprised to see him. It's awesome. 

Stephen: Another great designer, and one of the most fucked up/funny people at work. He's the one who will take any running joke that one extra step. You know the step that makes the entire room go "Oh god, no!"

Jay: Technically Jay is my manager. But he's more than that - he's a good friend. Talented, dedicated, & soft spoken, but don't let that fool you - he's as sarcastic as the rest of us!

George, Curt, Paulie, and more....

Random Folks:

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?