Been there, done that, was at the funeral.

This past weekend, at Tommy's (the same night as The Riding Crop), Stan  I were sitting at the corner of the bar talking to a couple of people. It was towards the end of the night, so we both had good buzzes going. When Stan & I get going, we can egg each other on in the worst ways possible. Okay, generally I'm the enabler, spurring him on. It's rare that I'M the one causing the trouble.

So were were chatting with a few other guys, one of whom is a little bit of a stalker. I can't recall exactly what prompted it (my mind was fuzzed by multiple Stoli & Tonics) but in reference to my stalker, I literally said "Been there, done that, was at the funeral." I think there was an actual audible gasp from Stan, but I could be wrong. At the very least, I know he gave me a look that said "I can't believe you had the balls to say that within earshot."

In order to preserve any remaining sense of dignity I have, I won't go into detail, other than to say that while I am amazed I used this line, I am NOT proud by the back story.

But dear god. it was a funny line.

Houston, we have a problem. Yes, but we have a riding crop

This past weekend, we went to a bar party. Long story short, it was supposed to be a Bear Run (newbies can google What is a Bear Run) that got cancelled due to some massive fuck uppery by the douche bag who was supposed to be organizing it. Rather than call it off, the bar owners (our friends Frank & Chris) decided to just have a party at the bar for whoever could make it. So there we were, 50 or so bears hanging out, drinking & chilling.

A bunch of us (Punk & I, Stan, Stamford Steve, Joe C. & The Maldens) were there. Side note - this crew (plus Randy & Jason, Stan's hubby Steve, and a few others) is the main "Juice Box Journals" crew. Any time we get together, in whole or in part, you can be sure trouble, chaos and maybe the apocalypse are soon to follow. Stan, Stamford & Randy are, in particular, a dangerous trio.

So we had all caught a pretty good buzz, and were off chatting with different people. Suddenly, and I'm not exactly sure when, where or how, Stamford had a riding crop in his hand. Now I know it's his (Stan teaches horse riding, and introduced riding crops to our group years ago. They show up all too frequently), but he should NEVER be allowed out in public with one. Especially when drunk. He'll start out gently swatting people on the ass with it, but will inevitably forget his own strength & start smacking the shit out of some unfortunate soul.

Luckily, Stan somehow got the crop away from Stamford. Keeping it out of Stamford's hands was paramount, but it didn't mean that we couldn't have fun with it.

I posted what?

So THAT'S the danger of posting not just buzzed, not just drunk, but seriously fucked up. I have almost no idea what those two posts were meant to say. Well, that's not completely true.

Bitches laying sown is obviously a reference to the fact that everyone who was sleeping over last Friday/Saturday AM was finally going to bed.

I stopped all my heRy medications just for this weekend was a (poorly) typed quote from Randy - "I stopped all my heart medications just for this weekend."

The background. We had our big summer party this weekend. I mean big - probably 100-125 people over the course of the day. Luckily, we've got some great friends who come down the night before to help with the final set up - cooking, cleaning, getting shit set up, etc. This also becomes, as Joe put it - the unofficial party before the party. It's a chance for Punk & I to party without having to really worry about socializing. Everyone there that night knows the house, and each other well enough that we can just have fun - no small talk needed. It's a well earned pre-party party. Did I mention a lot of them stay over? By a lot I mean we had (including Punk & I) 16 people staying over - it was like an air mattress factory exploded. But damn we had fun.

But there's a moral to the story - when posting drunk, try & at least add a sentence or two, so I don't forget what the fuck I'm posting about.

Oh, and the party? It was.... epic. A huge crowd, great food, lots of cocktails & shots, great fireworks and a lot of laughter.



Then there was the end, when we had a rapidly escalating series of dramas - attempted theft of 2 laptops (and the fucker succeeded in getting an iPod), someone peeing in a tent and, I kid you not, explosive diarrhea in the garage. Really people?